Full Disclosure

[x_maker]

Yes, I'm back. No, I'm not seeing any more visitors right now. I don't need anyone telling me everything's going to be okay. I don't much feel like making jokes.

In the interest of full disclosure, and to probably quiet a lot of the rumors going around, what Dr. MacTaggart said is true. Yes, I built a machine that took away my mutant powers. Magneto wanted to use it as a weapon. I built it to work once, then blow up, and it did. As usual, I didn't document anything, so there's no worries about the Brotherhood running around with it. And if anyone thinks I'm still harboring some sort of Stockholm Syndrome or that I did it all willingly - I've already convinced the Professor when he came down to talk to me, I don't need to convince any of you.

Jay says I should stick around, despite now being basically just the token normal. And I'm sure a lot of you are going to say the same, that I'm your friend, that I deserve a place to be happy here. But not a lot of you know why I'm here - and it's time for that secret to stop.

Back in school, all the way since I started going, I was the small kid and the smart kid. And in any social group, those are the first two differences that become evident. And in any social group, people like to cast out those that are different. Sometimes it's through exclusion and social pressure, and some times it's just plain violent. Lucky me, I got the full package.

High school wasn't any different. Wasn't acknowledged as anything, unless it was to be pushed around to make other people feel better about themselves. It was my place in the system, apparently. My parents - well, at the time, I didn't think to talk to them about it, because they wouldn't understand. They didn't ask how I was getting along, I didn't bother to tell them.

Finally, I got sick of it. I got sick of being invisible, sick of being pushed around, and sick of being ignored. This is the part in the story where the mutant powers kick in full speed.

So I made a bomb, plain and simple. I brought it to school, and I put it in my locker. And something happened and it went off early. You wonder why I carry around sixty-plus pounds of metal and a matching set of scars? Because I tried to blow up my school. [link: South Dallas Tribune, September 2002]

Go ahead. Read the news about it. Gas main explosion, they said. But the truth is, I did it myself. No one else hurt but me, but that wasn't the intent. And as I'm seeing argued around the journal system here, intent seems to count for a lot.

So, through chance or fate or whatnot - I'm here instead of dead or in jail. Trying to make up for what I almost did. Trying to do the right thing. I can say that being here has helped teach me that.

But if I don't belong - then I don't belong. Whether it's because I don't have my powers anymore, or because of the things I did, or because some of you probably still think I'm going to turn around and start marching to the beat of Magneto's drum; it doesn't matter.

But like I said, now you know. Make your own decisions.

JHF

Comments

[x-siryn.livejournal.com]

...you don't understand either.

Forget it. I'm going for a run. I can do that now right? I don't have to have a chaperone?

[x-madelyn.livejournal.com]

I do understand. You're angry and upset because you see a double standard, that someone you're close to has had to go through the courts and be sentenced whilst you see others who have done 'less' get off apparently scot-free. You're inserting personal issues into a situation and then casting blame because we're treating it as a question of logic and ethics, not emotions.

If you really want to know why the 'double standard', I suggest what Scott did for Shiro, and you go speak to the man who is responsible for intervening for the 'criminals' in question. Charles will be more than happy to explain why it is some people have been interceded for, and others not.

[x-cyclops.livejournal.com]

So long as you stay on the grounds, Theresa.

[x-siryn.livejournal.com]

I'll be a perfect angel.