x_maker: (Determined)
[personal profile] x_maker
Yes, I'm back. No, I'm not seeing any more visitors right now. I don't need anyone telling me everything's going to be okay. I don't much feel like making jokes.

In the interest of full disclosure, and to probably quiet a lot of the rumors going around, what Dr. MacTaggart said is true. Yes, I built a machine that took away my mutant powers. Magneto wanted to use it as a weapon. I built it to work once, then blow up, and it did. As usual, I didn't document anything, so there's no worries about the Brotherhood running around with it. And if anyone thinks I'm still harboring some sort of Stockholm Syndrome or that I did it all willingly - I've already convinced the Professor when he came down to talk to me, I don't need to convince any of you.

Jay says I should stick around, despite now being basically just the token normal. And I'm sure a lot of you are going to say the same, that I'm your friend, that I deserve a place to be happy here. But not a lot of you know why I'm here - and it's time for that secret to stop.

Back in school, all the way since I started going, I was the small kid and the smart kid. And in any social group, those are the first two differences that become evident. And in any social group, people like to cast out those that are different. Sometimes it's through exclusion and social pressure, and some times it's just plain violent. Lucky me, I got the full package.

High school wasn't any different. Wasn't acknowledged as anything, unless it was to be pushed around to make other people feel better about themselves. It was my place in the system, apparently. My parents - well, at the time, I didn't think to talk to them about it, because they wouldn't understand. They didn't ask how I was getting along, I didn't bother to tell them.

Finally, I got sick of it. I got sick of being invisible, sick of being pushed around, and sick of being ignored. This is the part in the story where the mutant powers kick in full speed.

So I made a bomb, plain and simple. I brought it to school, and I put it in my locker. And something happened and it went off early. You wonder why I carry around sixty-plus pounds of metal and a matching set of scars? Because I tried to blow up my school. [link: South Dallas Tribune, September 2002]

Go ahead. Read the news about it. Gas main explosion, they said. But the truth is, I did it myself. No one else hurt but me, but that wasn't the intent. And as I'm seeing argued around the journal system here, intent seems to count for a lot.

So, through chance or fate or whatnot - I'm here instead of dead or in jail. Trying to make up for what I almost did. Trying to do the right thing. I can say that being here has helped teach me that.

But if I don't belong - then I don't belong. Whether it's because I don't have my powers anymore, or because of the things I did, or because some of you probably still think I'm going to turn around and start marching to the beat of Magneto's drum; it doesn't matter.

But like I said, now you know. Make your own decisions.

JHF

Date: 2005-10-17 01:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] x-jubilee.livejournal.com
So, people were picking on you and you decided to blow them up as a way of dealing? You idiot.

Seriously dude, where the hell was your head?

But, considering I did something extremely similiar, albiet with a demon rather then a bomb. I'd be damn hypocritical to condemn you for it.

Don't agree with what you did, think it was stupid but you got punished for it enough, and I think you've made up for it.

But the whole not seeing us thing? You're being a dick. Did it ever occur to you that we might want to make sure you were okay? That being told you're okay sometimes doesn't mean as much as actually seeing it?

I'm fine with not telling you that everything is going to be okay. I don't do the coddling thing. But I'd at least like to be able to come see you.

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John Henry Forge

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